Monday, October 20, 2014

In A Strange Place

I’m in a strange place. 

No, I don’t mean I’m in Luxembourg or something. (Which is an awesome place, and close to where I used to live once upon a time.)  I’m in a strange place with my writing.  I want to start another book while my WIPs are being critiqued, but I don’t know which one to start first.
from Bing!
I hear the voice of one of my favorite characters in my Mafia book.  She’s letting me know she’s not ready to be put aside just yet.  She has more adventures to share and I’m tempted to listen to her.
from Bing!
Another voice, not nearly as strong, is calling me to continue writing a book I started many, many months ago.  Although started is loosely used. I think I have all of five pages written.  And, every one of them needs to be edited before I continue.

I feel like I’d be happy to settle into the familiar world of the mob again.  It’s a fun place for me to travel in my imagination.  Yet, that smaller voice calls from a place I haven’t explored yet - horror.  Not scare the crap out of you horror, more like horror lite, if that’s even a thing.

Would I be happier trying something new?  Or, cozying up with the mob?  Both worlds are fairly scary, but which one would be more satisfying?

I think I’ll quiet my mob chick first, then pop over to the world of horror for a bit.  I’ll see which one motivates me to keep my rear in the chair more often.  Something tells me it’ll be the mob.  But, maybe that’s because I have a gun at my head.  Figuratively, of course.

Are you ever torn between ideas or projects?

Speaking of horror, has anyone been watching the latest season of American Horror Story?  What do you think?  

Can you believe Twisty the Clown:

is really this guy, John Carroll Lynch?:

Yeah, me either! 

Enjoy your week, everyone.  And, watch out for those pesky clowns….

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Just Let It Go Already!

From Bing!

One of the mainstays in my recovery from the disclosure of my husband’s sex addiction is the ability to let go.  I fought with letting go for what felt like an eternity.  I had major control issues.  Not to mention a huge chip on my shoulder.  

As if I knew more about his addiction then he did.  Not like he didn’t live with it day after day.  But, that didn’t stop me from trying to dictate his every move.  “You should attend two meetings a week.”  Or, “You should be done with your steps by now.”  I conveniently forgot about all the work I needed to do in my own little world.

You’d think after all that experience I got in letting things go with my hubby a few years back, I’d have learned my lesson.  Not so much.  

When my son called and said he needed to move out of the apartment he shared with his girlfriend, I immediately said yes, come back home with dad and I. The reason wasn’t important at that moment.  I just knew I needed to be there for him.  And, I was.  I listened objectively as explained his girlfriend cheated on him. Again.  I sat quietly as he shared his hurt and frustrations. Again.  I gave him hugs and let him know I was always there for him, no matter what. Again.

The only smart thing I told him that day was, “Don’t update your status on Facebook.”  (Such is his generation.  They feel the need to share every detail of their lives at every given moment.)  When he asked why, I told him things may change.  Maybe they’ll get back together.  He insisted they wouldn’t.  He assured me he was done with her.

I spent the next few days patting myself on the back for a job well done. I’d kept my opinions to myself.  I tried to ignore they were on the fast track to get back together.  Then, a couple more days crept by.  I found myself offering unsolicited bits of wisdom. “The first time was a mistake, the second time was a choice.” And, “People treat you the way you teach them to treat you.”  

He continued to see her. He insisted they were taking it slow and he needed to stay with us until the end of October.  Maybe even later.  I was elated.  Maybe he really heard the wise words I imparted.  So, I continued to spew them every few days whether he wanted them or not.

It wasn’t until he asked if she could come over to visit that I realized he wasn’t listening to me.  Not at all.  I finally put myself in his shoes and discovered I needed to let go of his situation.  He’s an adult.  He’s not my little boy anymore.  Just like when he moved out, I chose not to meddle between he and his girlfriend when problems arose.  This situation should have been no different.  It was his decision to make.  Not mine.

I stopped shoving my thoughts and opinions down his throat.  If I were in his place and the same age, I wouldn’t want to hear it either.  I’d done to him what my mom did to me and I had resented her for it.

I chose to step back.  

I chose to let go.

I helped him pack his bags last week when he returned to her.  And, I apologized for gettin’ all up in his business.  He understood it came from a place of love and protection.  

Hopefully, things will work out for them.  If they don’t, he knows he’s got a place to stay with us.  

Do you find the need to let go of anything?  Are you a control freak like me?

ETA:  I woke up with a migraine so I'm running a bit behind responding and visiting.  But, I'll catch up soon.  :)