“What if this round doesn’t work?” I asked my neurologist. I watched as he prepared the 400 units of Botox and the electrode machine he used to detect the muscles in my scalp, neck and shoulders.
“Then it’s time to take a break for six, maybe eight months. If this many units won’t work, then you need to give your body a break. Most likely, it’s creating anti-bodies that are fighting off the Botox. The last several rounds haven’t worked and you need to give your body time to get the Botox out of your system and we’ll try again.”
“Six months?” I said. I felt deflated. I experienced the break Botox provided, the freedom, from severe Migraines over a year and a half ago and I wanted that freedom back again. I wanted to return to work, I wanted to return to life.
“Don’t worry, Elsie, I’m confident this dosage will work, it’s fifty cc’s higher than your last treatment. You should see a difference in two or three weeks.” He said and set to work injecting the Botox into my scalp. I used guided imagery to remove myself from the pain of the injections and soon the procedure was completed.
He was right, I was seeing a difference but it wasn’t positive, it was negative. Again. My Migraines were at a level they hadn’t been at since I had to end my career in 2007.
In 2007 my Migraines were every three or four days and lasted two or three days each. The pain varied from manageable; where I could sit up, talk, write and maybe cook dinner for the family or unmanageable; where I could only hold the television remote in my hand, use the wall for support to get to the bathroom, make myself a bowl of cereal, or snack on junk food and wait for someone to get home to help take care of me. These unmanageable cycles ranged from a few hours to a day or two.
2007 has come back and my Hooligans, it’s been back longer than I’ve let on to most of you. It’s been almost a year that the Migraines have been escalating to every three or four days.
It’s quite frustrating but I have been through this before and I know eventually with the help of my neuro, and perhaps an additional doctor, I will find relief again. I will find the right preventative treatment and things will calm back down once more.
I hesitated sharing this with you today because I don’t want people to feel sorry for me when I don’t feel sorry for me. I can honestly look around and see other people suffering everyday with diseases and every day life far worse than my own. I have a family that loves me and I have a roof over my head. I am grateful for that. Things could be so much worse. Things have been so much worse.
Why am I choosing to share it now? As a way of explaining my semi-absence on Blogger these last few months. I used to check on blogs every morning or every evening, even when I didn’t post a blog myself. I haven’t been able to do that because the Migraines have kept me behind at home leaving me less time to blog, less time to write and things have had to be prioritized.
We all say it to one another – real life has to come first and for me that’s what happened. I felt I owed you guys an explanation why I'm not around as often and why I don't always answer my comments the same day.