Friday, December 6, 2013

Frankie And Amy Seek Revenge

I watched Frankie’s profile as he sped down the highway.  His face was full of anger, his jaw clenched in frustration. I’d seen him this angry before and it didn’t end well.  The man he was angry with wound up dead on Frankie’s office floor.

I couldn’t understand why this cat, Orlin, continued to stick his ugly head into our business.  The mob was no place for cats like him.  I could only guess the smelly cat had some of those extra lives to spare.  Why else would he cross Frankie, the underboss of the Balini family?

Smelly Beast! Look at how awful he is!
Frankie turned to me, his eyes steel. “You ready to take care of two birds with one stone?”

“Yeah.  Between Dan’s threats and Orlin moving in on our loansharking territory, I’m more than ready to take care of both of them,” I answered.

“Is this Dan guy even around?” Frankie asked.

Like The Wall of Shame scares me. Puhleeze!
“He gives me grief from time to time.  Truth be told, he’s not that reliable anymore.  You never know when he’s going to show his face,” I said.

“Let’s take him down anyway.  I don’t want anyone causing you any headaches,” Frankie replied.

“Dan’s annoying enough to cause a migraine.  Are you going to cause them both excruciating of pain?” I asked, hopefully. 

“Pat’s a friend of mine and for some reason he likes this Orlin character.  I need to respect that.  If I can, anyway.  A good ass kicking should put Orlin back in his place,” Frankie said.

Soon, we arrived at one of Frankie’s warehouses.  We entered the building and hid behind a row of cardboard boxes.  I looked up towards the ceiling.  I saw my co-worker, Jimmy, above me on a platform in the rafters.  From the looks of it, he’d been hard at work setting things up for us.

The entry door opened and in strolled the cat. “Where is my beautiful Viking Woman?  I’ve come to make sweet love to you, just like you wanted,” the cat purred.  I felt nauseous from the thought of he and the Viking Woman. But, we knew Orlin’s downfall and used it to draw him into our waiting trap.

Need I say more?
Frankie and I jumped out from behind the boxes.  The wretched animal was caught off guard.  As I ran towards Orlin, I smelled his noxious fumes.  The cat was on the attack.  He was trying to use his ass-gas to knock us out.  But, it wouldn’t work.  Frankie and I expected such a disgusting tactic. We were prepared with nasal inserts to help block the foul stench.

I threw a cloth sack over the beast and trapped him inside.  Frankie quickly tied the end so Orlin couldn’t escape.  The cat’s claws dug at the material but it didn’t tear.

“Your shylocking days are over, cat.  No more loansharking for you,” Frankie said and gave the bag a swift kick.

The beast cried from within the bag, “I’ll never give it up, Frankie.  You don’t scare me.  I’ve got more lives than you’ll be able to take!”

I flung the sack onto the X Jimmy had marked on the ground.  “You ready?”  I shouted up to Jimmy.


From the rafters, Jimmy yelled down, “Hell yeah!”  He gave me thumbs up.

Frankie and I moved into a corner of the warehouse.  We wanted as much distance as possible between that marked X and ourselves. “Now!” Frankie yelled.

I watched as Dan’s Wall of Shame was cut from the ropes holding it aloft in the rafters.  I smiled as it crashed down in a heap of broken brick and mortar.  I couldn’t wait to make the call to Dan and let him know I found his wall, then had it destroyed…again.

Once the dust settled, Frankie walked over to pile of debris and said, “I think we got him this time, Amy.  We won’t have to worry about that nasty wretch bothering us anymore.”

I smiled once again.



37 comments:

  1. Revenge is sweet, I can tell! Oh, the fur is going to fly now!

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    1. You should see what he did to me on his blog today. Just evil!

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  2. I don't really approve of attacking cats but I can't deny how well written this piece was. I think Dan's been so busy lately he won't be able to build that wall back up again for a while. You should have gotten rid of him for a while this time.

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    1. It's okay, Orlin isn't a cat. He's a stinky, wretched beast that likes to attack me with his ass-gas and Pringle cans full of poop. Dan doesn't know this piece was written yet. I should let him know it posted. ha ha

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  3. Replies
    1. Thank you, Fran. I had to do something to Pat. He killed me over at his blog today.

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  4. The thing about walls is that they can always be rebuilt. I'll go ahead and let you bask in your false sense of victory for now. But keep in mind, While you're busy tearing down my wall, the whole world around us is crumbling. There are bigger fish to fry at the moment but your day is coming!

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    1. Yeah, yeah, you keep building your walls and I'll keep taking them down.

      I really loved your post the other day, Dan. It was so well written and really heartwarming to read.

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    2. Look at you! Going all soft in the tail end of your comment! No doubt just trying to butter me up so I would go easy on you!

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    3. I know better. You'd never be sweet and kind when it comes to the Wall of Shame. It brings out the mean streak in you. But, I think the beer boys have had that wall for far too long!

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  5. I love a girl who goes after her revenge with a club!!! LOL. I have no idea what this is about, but I like it. :)

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    1. It's on ongoing blogging feud between Pat Hatt's cat and Working Dan. They are both so mean to me…it's just not fair!!

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    2. Waah waah waah! Such a whiner, always playing the victim!

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    3. How do you think I get people to love me, Dan? They feel sorry for me and take pity. ha ha

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  6. LMAO using the viking woman as bait, that is just mean. The cat just wanted to chew some fat. Instead he got to relieve some ass gas, you know having him give off all of that ass gas makes him so thing you could slip through any slits in the bag and take off before they knew it. Such a same, I guess the cat will go console the viking woman now and chew some fat.

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    1. The stinky cat always falls for the Viking woman. He's such a nasty thing chewing on her fat like that. Just as long as they don't make any more offspring, I'll be okay. Hmmm, I bet the blasted cat got away this time. Too many lives to spare. Not like you're doing with me at your blog!

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    2. lol you come back in different forms. A blue cyclops whiner, a stair climbing old hag, what next? Maybe a one eyed troll? lol Oh what your one eyed stolen pic stirred up

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  7. I never should have fessed up that the eye was ripped off! That was the beginning of my torment with you. Than you added the word old….that's the real killer!

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    1. haha old one eye just sounds better than one eye

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  8. Hope you're having a lovely weekend, Elsie!

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  9. Yeah I have to admit I have zero idea what that piece was about. Real cats? People? So confused. lol

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    1. ha ha. It helps if you follow Pat and Dan's blogs. They always threaten and tease me. One with his "cat" persona and the other with his "Wall of Shame." I was hoping some pictures would help those that didn't follow them.

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  10. Hahaha this is amazing Elsie, the cat is going to freak out big time at this!

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  11. ha. err...how am i ever going to get the mental image of the cat and viking woman out of my mind...i might go blind just thinking about it...way to bring the house down elsie...or the wall ...ha...

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    1. I know, that cat is disgusting. He can't help but be vial and gross.

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  12. Hahahaha. I loved it and laughed until my sides hurt. The nose plugs were a great touch and adding in the Viking Woman was brilliant.

    I'll have to stop by the Cats place and see what he did to you. That bastard.

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    1. The cat *is* a bastard for sure! All those vial smells. And, he killed me off again at his blog. How rude!

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  13. Hey! That viking broad stole my hubcaps!!!

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    1. Do you really want them back? It'll leave her nekkid!

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  14. Excellent dear Elsie!! You have my vote lol
    I love how you write, you are really Smart!!
    Did you know the cat always bury me and now I die lol

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    1. I know, Gloria, the cat is always burying you in the sand or litter box. He's just pure evil!

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  15. I am soooo glad that I also read Pat's blog so I know what's going on! Whew! I hate being clueless, which is a most of the time thing!

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    1. It definitely helps to read Pat's blog too. Otherwise, this is just a bizarre story!

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